There is something heavily upon us folks. Protect yourselves. It's a harsh world and a dark energy. I'm fighting something I've been oppressed with my whole life that the best anti depressants are losing. Something is PISSED OFF that I want a relationship with my son. His father is likely involved distantly or have evil intentions towards me. Dread and panic form habit inducing anxiety that becomes deep bipolar and manic depression. His father wishes death on himself. I understand why but that doesn't give him permission to harm me. I have to take care of the child he co hosted because he's too demented and violent to. Someone else is willing to but not required to step in and act as his father because my dad needs to retire and A's too self absorbed and arrogant to be a father. What a poor choice on my part. That's the sad reality of low self esteem and psychological and emotional abuse. Most of it was caused in highschool. I started dating A for protection from the bullies. It worked most of the time. Yeah, I loved him. He was my body guard but he was not able to be my husband to the extent that Providence supplied me with a way out by his expired license being ineligible for renewal because he couldn't afford it. If that's not God speaking, idk what it is. You just can't ignore some things. I'm glad I let myself out before I was trapped by two rings. That wouldn't have been a wedding. I think back on it all and I thank God he spared me. I was so naive and arrogant myself. The difference between us is that I'm always willing to change. I understand that he's bitter from going to prison for something he didn't do but that was karmic for what he DID do. He recognizes that but won't admit it or acknowledge it. You don't take advantage of an emotionally disturbed teenager 6 years younger than you that isn't even of age to be with you and use a disabled baby to trap them and use them as a pawn to manipulate every area and aspect of their lives with the plan to eventually kill them. He used to tell me his fantasies. I won't and can't repeat them. They are inappropriate for the internet. There is a deep darkness and twisted irreverence in A Ive never seen in anyone else. My own father was abused beyond what even the major arcana can represent. I can't talk about that either but the kind of man he is doesn't reflect his childhood. He survived and he's a good man. An anomaly. Ahead of his time by light years. He's an example of what A could be if he tried and truly wanted it for himself. He doesn't. He doesn't care about his child either. He led me to do the same thing for many years that I can't take back. Sometimes what you seek is what you lack. I regret what I missed but there's only moving forward with the right motives. I have been called a sorceress a few times. My father was the first one to call me that. I call myself a witch because it's more socially acceptable. My point? I broke the spell I was bound to him by and found the incantation to escape his dominions by writing it myself. Do you think I became the writer I am today overnight? NO. Years of "enduring to the end" me a strong woman and a Shakespearean prodigy in Tommy's words. My son asks me daily if "I did any writing today". He sounds just like my dad. It's precious. I always thank him for asking and I ask him if he did any drawing today. He's an artist like my mother. My mother can draw portraits of people and make them look not only realistic but better than photo shop. She never got an art degree. She's a natural but she wasnt in the correct social setting to become well known. I want to change that for her, especially after all she's done for me as a mother to my son. I'm putting together videos of her work in slides that are easily downloadable and uploadable as professionally as possible so it's taking time. I want to give it my best. It will likely be her birthday present when it was meant for mother's day. It's the thought that counts, right? She's a prayer warrior and a super hero. She's a bomb mom (because it rhymes) and deserves to feel like she is. My son will be illustrating my work in no time. We're a team. Don't ever try to come between us. A's mom betrayed him. I've never done that to JL. I've disappointed him and even neglected him to him my parents and my sister but I've never betrayed him and never will. I can't. It's not in my range of free will to do so. A snitched on his father about something because his father said no to something and he ended up spending 6 months of weekends in jail over it. Then a week or two before A was going to move in with his father, he died in a sudden and tragically explosive car accident. That is serious karma. Four years later, his mother also died of cervical cancer He hated her and never got along with her. He told me a few times too many that I reminded him of her. How was that NOT a red flag to me? I was naive. My feelings were brutally terrorized by my mother's father and her mother to a lesser degree because I was scared of him from birth. He was loud, unpredictable and rudely obnoxious because he didn't approve of my parents wedding. Well they've been married 33 years. Yes, you can cry happy tears for me. When my sister came into the world, she was born a fearless fire sign and didn't react to him at all. She quickly became the favorite. They were no longer interested in me. They sent me gifts I began to outgrow and not care about then limited money. My other grandparents were haughty and my grandmother was only that by marriage. My biological grandma died 3 years before I was born. She was a prolific concert pianist. She was also schizophrenic which is extremely rare for a female. She married the wrong man and fell out with music. I avoided marrying the wrong man, I get my schizophrenia from her genetically and I'm working on writing my first album for Moon & Aries, a popular Canadian and German duo that co exists of one of my best friends and soul sisters and a German composer I finally just had the pleasure of meeting and will be eventually greeting in person. Jordana Moon is exchanging voice lessons for astrolgical readings which is how we started out being friends. I used to have a great voice but so many things stopped me from truly singing that I went out of practice. I sound alright but not great. I shouldn't have to force out what I'm singing. It should flow. I'm more into the lyrical process of it all rather than performing it. I'll perform/read/recite my long poems that tell a story or are inspirational/motivational but I don't want a vocal career like Carrie Underwood for example who was my favorite music artist in tenth grade unless I'm led to. That's what Jordana is great for. That's where her interest is. Mine is in composing it/writing it. Tom Aries (the composer) just recently asked me to be the main actress in their future music videos based on my performance in 'Perfect Figure' by Jason Chilado and his team on YouTube. Sophia DiGonis hosted me twice on her show, Gypsy Poet Radio. I've also cohosted with her and she's cohosted with me on the show I invented. I've changed the name too many times to officially refer to it as anything but it's primarily Playboy Poetry. It also goes by Playmate Prose and Poetic Performances. I will likely register it under the last one. Yes, registration. It is becoming a business very slowly in a market no one reaches out to or is ever really interested in. They've neglected an ancient language. Poetry didn't just happen. It began as an alternate language among Gods in the cosmos and many of the incantations that are myths and the other ones you don't even hear about are rhymes that were spoken (spoken word) to create those realities so intricately that you don't know which one youre in until you're experiencing it. Then often youre closed in because you're clocked in consciously and unconsciously. Learning how to frame your desires hinders them from competing with you. Your higher self needs to overcome your lower self. Becoming self aware is the first step. Changing your response to things that cause you to react is how you switch realities. The "devil's" out here having people going crazy in their insanity. They expect different results from the same path that brought them to the choice they're at now. Repeating that choice will take you back to that insatiable wrath. Do you want that? You can't turn around on the freeway. You have to find an exit. And that's where the devil will sit. Focus on God. Get religious for a moment but don't convince yourself to stay there or you'll fall into the rabbit hole you just got out of. None of us understands what Satan stole from God. Or how he betrayed him. It's unethical to believe in fundamentalism and it doesn't even make sense. Most religions don't when you examine them. Ms DiGonis is a Buddisht but believes in a higher power. My other darling friend, Ms Taylor Devereaux who's also a singer believes in Providence and good luck but isn't religious. She doesn't get offended when I say 'God'. Neither does Sophia. They've seen my incantations work. My poetry is basically a very long spell with each poem and each word. Each word has earned it's chance to be heard. I wasn't planning on writing all this. It was supposed a short update for everyone. I transferred it to my notes when it started getting long. This is part of my memoir. It won't be like anything else you've ever read. I promise. When I go live, I have at least ONE person hooked the entire time. Some of my biggest enemies have told me I'm very talented. I know.. I'm just humble. I don't want an alliance with the devil. I want to be on Gods side on His level. What are you gonna do with all the money you're chasing when you don't anything left to chase it with and no one left to chase it for? You won't be able to get more. You can't take a damn thing with you when you go. Take care of yourself but don't reward yourself at the expense of others. Confident compromise. We are taken aback by lack of morale. The corruption is global. It's an insidious prison so learn how to transcend it. Then learn how to blend into it. Send it when you're sure you're finished. God doesn't take five to ten business days to get back to you. He answers you immediately. You just have to learn how to listen. God is like a gentle thought that you can't stop thinking about. And sometimes God is the same force that moves a mother to rescue her baby from under a car wreck without breaking her neck. That same mother has made it this far. God is who He is, therefore we are all who we are. It's written in the stars but master magicians know their way around fixed predictions through astrolgical intention, will and action. Almost seduced. Completely compelled. If that's all you bought, you should be commended. Man cannot live on bread alone and God sure as hell will never give up His timely throne to leave us to ashes and bones, abandoned and helpless infants on their own. Who could do such a thing? More than you think. Drugs make me do good things. I don't understand why people do drugs and commit crime. Doing drugs is like getting your favorite hug from your favorite person. Discipline is the key element in not overdosing. I'm not encouraging drug use. I use medical marijuana/cannabis for PTSD and sleep as well as an appetite stimulant and a mood balancer. It moves differently when it's asked to be your doctor. The primary care provider is the divider between church and state. Get around the insurance companies scams and recycle their spam. It's never too late. You'll do great. You'll be great. Just wait it out and see the physical evidence which will guilt you effortlessly into having faith next time. Would you rather see guilt or pain? Sometimes there is no option. Sometimes there is no shelter from the rain. And when it rains, it fucking pours. It knocks down dirty doors. It mops empty floors. It gives you even more. Surprise salary for a job you never knew existed, let alone dreamed you'd get. All for the price of one. One what? Chance and chosen choice to repent, report and renew your license and your med card. It's like a one way ticket to a white picket fence or a life of luxury. Both come with their prices to pay. I suggest you watch and pray and organically eavesdrop on anything they have to say without the slightest dictated delay. Some choices are non negotiable and non refundable after it's too late. Yes, you were tricked. You were lied to. You were deceived. You have every right to be angry but relieved all at the same time. You don't have time to hike every mountain peak or like something that makes you feel weak. It's time to speak. Leak the truth, not the gossip. We want our youth painted on our lips and we want it in tiny sips. We used to take large gulps but we can't compromise what we didn't try on for size. If we endure to the end, there is a wonderful prize. You will sit and think about this right before you realize that I'm almost always right. Don't think for one random second that it is my burden to help you. It is my delight. It might be a complicated task but all you need to do is ask. Take off your mask and show the audience how to breathe. Don't panic when they start to teethe. They are infants and infancy is the fourth trimester that no one talks about. No one talked about mental health when I was pregnant 12 years ago. I had no clue that postpartum depression is a real disease that sometimes never goes away. It's more common than you think. It can happen faster than you can blink. Start creating and sharing meaningful links. Don't share your secrets. That's where the ship sinks from the intoxicated drinks. It's easy to fool a fool. They think theyre so cool. But the problem is, they think they're better than the big three letter word y'all hate reading/viewing/hearing. The Titanic sank from all the poison it drank. That's not twin flame love. I said what I said and if you think it is, you should educate yourself on such matters so you don't flatter the fatter side of your ego. The more you have, the more you want. Be satisfied with nothing and you will receive everything. ©️S.G. Herring 6/10/22
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